Covering the Assets - DIY Nursing Gear

I had a minor nursing in public (NIP) "incident" a few weeks ago. We were taking our toddler to the park and the baby needed to eat. You gotta do what you gotta do, so if you're a nursing mom who doesn't want to or can't be home all the time, you need to NIP. I fully support NIP and the way the mom chooses to do it, covered or not. But I'm shy, man. I have GOT to be covered.

To illustrate my point, while my husband took the toddler to the park, I was across the street facing a water tower, hidden from park view behind a large tree AND covered with a nursing cover. NOBODY was seeing these boobies. However, it was extremely windy and as I was holding down my cover on the left side, a huge gust of wind blew the right side right off. And there it was. A boob in the open. 

Since I was behind the tree, I felt pretty safe from view but I looked up anyway to make sure nobody saw my little mishap. I saw a truck driving right by me on the way out of the park. There was no way the driver didn't see. I drew attention just by being a person sitting up against a tree, facing away from the park. I looked away as quickly as possible, not making eye contact with the driver. I totally wanted to die of embarrassment. 

I'm still going to have to NIP from time to time so I wanted to make sure that I don't have any more of these boob sightings occurring. Before little O was born, I found a few things on Pinterest that might help, so I went ahead and made them. 

The first was this nursing shawl. I was taken in by two things. First, the beauty of the model. Man, I love red hair and she is gorgeous. Surely, I would look JUST like her if I wore one ;) Second was the simplicity of the project. Cut, pin, sew a short line. That's it! Knit fabric doesn't fray so you don't have to worry about finishing the edges so the project goes quickly. 

Needless to say, I do not look like the lady modeling the shawl in the tutorial, but it's going to do the job. Mine ended up a little shorter than I would have liked, but I didn't have the full 30 inches as recommended in the tutorial, I was working with 27. It's still functional and I think it looks good enough anyway. Gotta work with what you have! And my toddler wanted to know what was going on under there. That's proof of good coverage :)

So that took care of the boob coverage, now I needed some for the gut. I'm not just embarrassed of the boobs :) I also found this tutorial to make your own nursing cami. I can't believe they charge 25 bucks for those! I got 2 cami's at Old Navy for $3.50 a piece, so I'm saving some serious cash here. You wouldn't think so, but normally, sewing doesn't really save you all that much money on things. My husband is always shocked at how much I spend on fabric, so I'm glad these projects were such money savers. The knit was on sale at Fabric.com. 

The cami's were also quick to put together, but since the area being sewn was so small, I made a huge mess of it. It doesn't look anywhere near as good as the tutorial, but I'm covering that part with the shawl, so who cares?

Below is an "action shot". You're welcome for not being in this one :)

Now I'm all covered for my adventures in NIP. I can lower the cami and the post baby gut is still under wraps and the boob is all covered up by the shawl. Easy peasy projects, money saving, boobs and gut covered. Loving it! Try them out and go get your NIP on! Or go uncovered if you like!

Baby Got...Pie

It's been a crazy few weeks around here. We put our house on the market and bought a new one. With all the fixing and cleaning required to put our house for sale, my husband's 34th birthday quietly came and went. No big deal he said, we can celebrate a few days later when the craziness dies down. So a Father's Day/Birthday celebration it would be. I was getting excited because since the baby was born 8 weeks ago, I've completely neglected my other blog, Baby Got Cake. Without being at work and having people to eat it for me, I needed a real reason (other than something like, "It's Tuesday! Yay!") to make a cake.

But my husband decided to break my heart. He's told me this before, but no matter how many times he says it, it just doesn't compute. "I don't really care for cake." Every cake making occasion that rolls around for him, I ask because I really can't comprehend someone NOT liking cake. What's wrong with you? But it's the man's birthday and he's a great father, so I say give him what he wants. French silk pie it is.

Please don't mind the bad pictures. They are (gasp) cell phone pics. The real camera is packed away. Oh, and for that matter, so are my piping bags so excuse my Ziploc decorating. This moving stuff is really cramping my style...

Anyway, it's not quite your typical french silk pie. It's a graham cracker crust (not homemade per my husband's request and I was happy to oblige). Most of the time, these are made with a nice flaky pastry crust. You may also notice that the whipped cream is chocolate. More on that later. 

The base recipe is from the Pioneer Woman. She NEVER lets me down. But in my typical fashion, I managed to screw up a very simple recipe. I used some leftover Ghirardelli baking chocolate I had in the cabinet, but it was missing the wrapper. I figured that each square was an ounce like the other brand I normally use. I figured out later, I was wrong. I gave the beater to Nate to taste and he asked, "What flavor is this?" It's a French silk pie, so it's obviously chocolate flavored. This was his way of telling me he couldn't taste it. I got all offended and stormed off to continue to make my pie. How dare he question my baking ability?!

But then I put it in the crust and noticed it looked a little...light colored? I had thrown out the label on my baking chocolate so I looked it up online and sure enough, each square was only a half ounce. It had half the chocolate flavor it needed. Don't tell my husband he was right, he still doesn't know.

I had to fix it somehow because I didn't have extra ingredients and was already invested time-wise. I thought maybe I'd put chocolate shavings on the top and bottom of the whipped cream and make the whipped cream chocolate instead of white. As usual, I asked my Baby Got Cake blogging partner for advice and she concurred so that's what I did. I swear, if I had my own baking show, it would be called "J Saves the Day".

So there it is with the shavings on top. I meant to do curls, but the bar was too frozen at the time. No matter, this worked out better anyway. I'm learning :) The chocolate whipped cream recipe comes from  The Joy of Baking. This stuff is good enough to eat with a spoon. Not saying I did. But I might have. 

So, I hope my cake hating husband loves it. If I remember later, I'll take another lovely cell phone picture of a piece and update. Happy Father's Day!

Homemade Zebra Cakes

I think Kristan from Confessions of a Cookbook Queen is my hero. I was checking out Pinterest the other day and came across a pin containing a recipe for homemade Zebra Cakes. I'm pretty sure I audibly gasped. The post is a few years old, but it was my first time hearing of such a thing and newborn baby or not, I was going to find time to make it happen.

When I was in high school (and could eat more than I can now with less negative consequence), they used to sell single Zebra Cakes in the cafeteria. Don't be fooled, it wasn't any less calories than the 2 pack, this was a massive single cake. I used to get them more than I'd like to admit. But once I was an adult, it just no longer felt appropriate to be eating Little Debbie's for some reason, so I just didn't buy them. Plus, if you open a package only wanting one, you are forced to eat the other one, right?

I was totally craving them during my pregnancy, but never bought them. I have since had the baby but seeing that post brought back the cravings and I knew it wouldn't go away until I made them. So here it is.

They ended up a little bigger than I expected. I think my jelly roll pan was slightly smaller in dimensions than the recipe calls for so the cake rose more. I didn't figure out until the end that I should have cut each piece in half (from top to bottom) instead of stacking two pieces. No big deal. A giant zebra cake never hurt anyone.

I only made 3 deviations from the recipe. First was the use of white cake instead of yellow. I don't think yellow is a good description of a cake flavor so it weirds me out. I also doubled the recipe for the filling. Because I am a fatty and I like filling. Don't judge. Finally, I didn't cut circles because I didn't want to waste a bit of cake. That's just crazy.

Let me tell ya, these things were every bit as good (down to that weird, slick feeling on your tongue after you eat it), dare I say even better than Zebra Cakes and the effort level to make them is quite minimal. That's a dangerous combo, so I'm going to have to forget I ever found this recipe.

Craft Room Curtains - Take 2

I put things off a lot. Like A LOT. Back in January, I posted about my craft room curtain fail. FOUR months ago, I bombed the curtains and I'm just now getting around to fixing them. Want to know how long they were without curtains before that fail? According to my notes about all the things I wanted to add to my new craft room... about a year. Guess how many of those other things I've done. You're correct if you said none :)

Anyway, we are about to put our house on the market (really easy to do with a newborn by the way) and I needed to fix the single/too short curtain issue. Another thing I was concerned about was that the green and white chevrons might be too bold for a perspective buyer. From what I hear, chevrons are sooo 2011. I don't care, I still love them. But I needed to get with the times. Here's a reminder of what the one panel looked like. I never made a second one as I originally intended. I was too defeated from bombing sewing 101 with that curtain.

After the first curtain fail, I was perusing Pinterest and found some beautiful curtains on Apartment Therapy. I figured I could do them on a smaller scale for the craft room. I also wanted to go easy on myself. I don't have a whole lot of time with a one month old so I wanted to use the drapery rings like last time. These little things are handy. I've also used them for other fun projects like this one..

These came together easily, but the trickiest part for me was piecing it together. No matter what I do, I can't seem to cut or sew a straight line. But I made do. Top to bottom, the window was 3 feet, which made for nice, even stripes. I wasn't too sure how wide to make it so I just added 8 extra inches to half of the window width measurement. I didn't put too much thought into it, but it worked out. I didn't add black out backing or clean up the back that faces the neighbor's house. Why put all that effort in for someone else? When I moved in here, the first thing I did was take down all their hideous window treatments. If I'm to suffer the same fate, I would rather not waste my time with the extras, ya know? And the neighbors probably won't even see since it's lower level. Look at their view.

Despite my inability to cut or sew straight (and being in a rush hoping to get done before the baby woke) the pieces came together pretty well.

It took a total of 8 hours to get it finished. It was done between 3 feedings, 3 naps and dinner. I estimate about 2 hours without the non project related activities. I actually like it better than the Chevrons. I hope a buyer will feel the same. I'm starting to really love what this room has become. I may not want to move away :)

Boy Meets World - O's Birth Story

It's a boy! A big beautiful boy! And we are in love. We chose not to find out the sex of either of our babies. Well, I chose not to. My husband really wanted to know, but thankfully he went along for the ride with me each time. There's something about hearing "It's a boy/girl)!" in the delivery room that has really been worth the wait for me.

Here are the stats. The little guy was 9 lbs 11 oz. and 21 inches long. Head was 14 3/4. To me, he looks quite normal, but every nurse has commented on how big he is or about the fact that they hope I haven't bought newborn diapers or clothes. Either way, the little dude is perfect. And that's about all for the non gross, non emotional, or non controversial stuff. Just a warning ;)

Why a VBAC?

I'll start by saying anyone's reasons for attempting a VBAC are intensely personal. I'm just sharing because they are mine and if anyone can find anything helpful in it, sharing is worth it. I'll note that in the telling of my story, judgement of others for making different decisions or choices should not be inferred at any time. 

There were a few reasons I chose to attempt a VBAC. First, I really didn't ask a lot of questions during my first pregnancy, just took things at face value and unfortunately, didn't research much. The things that have become so normal in birth these days, I simply did not think to question. I went into my first son's birth thinking I would go into labor naturally, go as long as I could without an epidural, push him out and go home. Easy as that. A C-Section was not part of my plan. Instead, I had an induction at 40 weeks. That led to pain I couldn't stand so I was having an epidural by 5 cm. The more natural birth I wanted turned into intervention after intervention, ultimately ending in a C-Section. After doing some research and learning about the correlation between all the interventions and C-Sections, I was determined not to let history repeat itself. A vaginal birth is what my research told me is best for my baby (obviously there are times when a CS is necessary) so that was the most important reason for me to attempt a VBAC.

My other reasons are very personal and I think one would have to go through them to really get it, but I'll try to explain. They are more emotional. As I told my OB, I felt very absent after my first son's birth. I was out of it (literally in and out of sleep), shaking and nauseous from the anesthesia that I could not physically hold my son for a few hours. That's time I can't get back. I also spent so much time grieving the loss of the birth I felt I didn't have. That kind of statement tends to bring out the "healthy baby is the only thing that matters" sentiment from everyone. I've heard it a lot in 3 years. And I completely agree. I just don't think that grieving over something you wanted and didn't get means you aren't over the moon excited about your new, healthy addition. Because I definitely was and I am now as well.
The whole C-Section experience was just traumatic for me. Not just emotionally, but physically. The CS recovery was a pain like I'd never had before. At the hospital they had to force me to get out of bed. It just hurt too much. It took about a week before I could stand fully upright without blinding pain. I'd never heard of a reaction like that and don't really consider myself to be pain intolerant. There was so little I could do on my own for so long, I'm not sure what I would have done without my husband staying home with me for 3 weeks.

My final personal reason will likely be hardest to understand, but to put it out there, I just felt defective. It was like my body failed me so many times and I needed this experience to help me feel like my body does know what it should do. In 2007, I was diagnosed with Graves disease. It's an auto-immune disorder. Essentially, my body thinks my thyroid is foreign and spends its time attacking my thyroid. The condition has been a roller coaster for me. It improves then gets really bad. I gain tons of weight then lose tons.
I had a miscarriage in 2008 after seeing the heartbeat - when your odds of miscarriage become 1%. That was followed by another in 2009.
Then there was the CS which you've heard ALL about :)
Shortly after my son was born in 2010, he had severe weight gain issues. To the point where he was about to be labeled a failure to thrive. He had been diagnosed with reflux, but as it turns out, he never had that. My body was just not making the amount of food he needed. To this day, I get upset thinking about it and wondering how I didn't know, but the pediatrician missed it too as he was eating constantly. It was a trip to a lactation consultant that confirmed the supply issues.
The following year brought another miscarriage after seeing the baby's heartbeat.
None of this is meant to make anyone pity me and I'm hoping nobody thinks I believe I have it the worst. My medical condition is manageable and despite 3 miscarriages, not being able to deliver the way I wanted or make enough milk, I have the most beautiful boys and I'm very blessed - and I know it. I'm simply explaining why I feel as I do. I want to know that my body can do something right and that I'm not damaged, broken or defective.

O's Birth Story

Little O's journey into the world began a minutes after his "due date" passed. Everything up until then felt really normal. The occasional tightness in the belly that I thought might be a contraction, but those only happened a few times a day, so it was nothing too exciting. Then, about 12:20 am (day after due date) I had the overwhelming urge to use the restroom. It wasn't an abnormal occurrence being that pregnant, but I had just gone to bed less than 2 hours earlier and hadn't had anything to drink in hours. When I was finished I stood up and felt a quick gush of fluid. I was sure that I was not done using the bathroom and got embarrassed. But then, another gush. And another. Even there in the dark, I knew what was happening. I was scared because I expected to feel something. Anything. But I felt nothing except more fluid loss every time I made a move. I yelled for my husband and hopped in the shower because I didn't know what else to do. I couldn't go back onto the carpet. So I just kept yelling and showering until he showed up.

Being that I was hoping for a VBAC, ideally, I wouldn't go to the hospital until I at least had contractions and was well into labor, but something about the color of the fluid worried me. It was green and looked like it had tons of specks in it (we later found out it was because there was meconium in the fluid) so I called the on call OB, who had us come in. My husband called his brother to come stay with our son and we were on our way.

We arrived at the hospital shortly after 2am and were sent to triage. I answered a million questions I had already answered and was feeling pretty crabby and tired. They said they would have a doctor come check to make sure my water had really broken (do people really go the hospital after peeing themselves, thinking it's amniotic fluid???) but after taking a look, the nurse decided I was right and cancelled the doctor call since a check would put me at risk for infection.

We were finally admitted after 4am. We slept on and off until my OB came in at 8. By that point, I had mild contractions here and there but nothing major. I was sleeping through them. She told me she wasn't optimistic due to my history, but I was still committed to doing this my way unless there was a medical reason not to. We slept more after that but not for long.

Contractions took a noticeable step up an hour or so after she left so I felt it was a good sign that maybe it would happen on its own. We asked the nurse if I could walk the halls were told no because the doc's orders were for constant monitoring. I commented that it wasn't helpful for my labor so she called the OB and approved me for monitors that didn't need to be hooked into the wall. She knew from my paperwork that I did not wish for any pain meds unless I asked, so she simply stated that I knew where to find her if I needed them and she never once asked me if I did. This was most helpful. In my first son's birth I was asked over and over until I said yes. It was nice to have someone respect my wishes.

By 11, things were really rolling. And fast. The nurse got me a birth ball to sit on and that eased a lot of the pain of each contraction.  She soon did a first check and found me at 5cm. I thought it wasn't so bad and I really started to feel like it would happen.

The rest is a real blur as far as the time. It felt like minutes went by and I was a 9. It seemed really crazy how just a few hours before, I was feeling nothing and in a matter of hours, the contractions went from being 3 minutes apart to right on top of one another. I was getting no breaks between them (I think this was around 3pm). Admittedly, I wanted to ask for the epidural, but I reminded myself of my mission. I felt like my VBAC odds were better if I didn't do it. Hearing that I was at a 9 helped too. Almost done! I thought to myself...

Just like with my first son, we got to pushing and there were heart decelerations that concerned the OB and nurse. My nurse had me change positions frequently, doing her best to make sure I didn't get sent to the OR. There were also position issues. Baby was head down, but for weeks, had been looking to the left instead of face down. That can change at any time during labor but never did for me. The nurse tried to move him in my belly and massaged my hips, but the little guy wouldn't budge. My pushing was getting us nowhere. I remember at one point wearing oxygen to help with the decels along with all the position changes, but nothing was working. The OB was telling me we were going in for a CS. She didn't ask, so I knew something was wrong, but I was in so much pain I couldn't respond.

The surgery was another blur. I was still having bad contractions while I waited for them to get the epidural in so they could do the C Section. Once it was in, it was like I didn't realize it was happening. Maybe the meds weren't as strong with my first, but then, I could feel pulling and tugging, so I knew what was happening. And it took longer. I didn't feel anything this time. I was later told that baby O's heartrate took a dangerous dip shortly after getting to the OR so they had to go faster. I was asking for him, but my husband wasn't brought in there until they were about to pull our son out so I know things went much faster than expected by anyone.

Now the most important part. I turned and saw my husband there and the doc asked him to call it. I bawled when I heard him say "it's a boy". The moment we'd been waiting for. Baby looked good so they wrapped him up and handed him to my husband so I could be stitched up and we could have our family time before they needed to do all of his measurements.

I've been surprised at how at peace I am with the outcome. I mean, I have wanted this since the day my first son was born. It was the last question I asked the OB before consenting to that first C-Section after 3 hours of pushing, "Does this hospital allow VBACs?" I guess it's because in the end, despite getting the C-Section, I got almost everything I wanted. First and foremost, O is healthy. He chose his own birthday. He was without any drugs as long as possible - they kind of have to give them to you for the CS :) I got to hold and feed him pretty much right away. So except for those last moments, it was really everything I wanted. And the healing this time is going a million times better. I was up sooner and doing things on my own and having much less pain.

So I won't spend years this time rehashing the experience and wondering if there was something I could have done differently. I did it. I did my research. I fought against all the unnecessary intervention. I fought against weeks of pressure to just do the C-Section. Some will ask what that gained me since I ended up in the OR anyway. Well, that's the one thing I really can't put into words.

My Last Hurrah - Sewing and Baking for Teachers

Today was teacher appreciation day at my son's daycare. He attends a Montessori daycare that's onsite at work and I love what they do. Every day, they work so hard teaching lessons, manners and caring for him so gently. I love to think of new things to show our appreciation when this day rolls around. I've done the coffee cozy thing before and baked goods in the past. This time, I decided to sew and bake. And why not? At 39 weeks pregnant, the sewing and baking days are numbered, I'm afraid.

I decided on reversible totes using this Made by Rae tutorial. I had three teachers to make one for. Here
is side one.

The prints are for ladies and the Mizzou bag is for a male. He went to Mizzou, don't hate on me KU fans :) Side two is below:

I love how they came together. The only thing I did differently from Rae's tutorial was to buy cotton webbing for the handles instead of making them. Made the process much faster, which I needed. I'm quickly running out of energy over here! I was also excited about how easy they were to make. Unlike the usual way my sewing projects go, I never once screwed up the direction of a print when cutting it nor did I have to get out my seam ripper. I call that a win. Eventually, I want to make one of these for myself. Aren't they adorable?

Finally, I added some quick cupcakes. I found these cute boxes at JoAnn's and not only did they happen to match the colors of the bags I was making, but they made perfect bag fillers. Admittedly, I cheated and used a box mix, but the crazy colored buttercream is all mine. I'm hoping to get back to baking from scratch soon...if the baby lets me get some sleep :)

Why am I here?

It's not the deep, philosophical question it seems like, it's quite literal. Why am I here? In this hospital with its old rooms and dry air. Missing my family. There's nothing wrong with me, I'm just pregnant. This is my second go-round at this and I feel that my eyes have been opened to so many things I missed before because I was too consumed with worry all the time for anything to sink in.

As usual, I'm ahead of myself. I went in for my one of my final weekly appointments on Monday. There had been some concerns about the swelling in my feet, hands and ankles from the week before. Alone, it's not much, but coupled with other factors, it could be. It's not comfortable by any means, but I had swelled much worse with my first child and make jokes about my cankles on FaceBook. Seems like a normal part of pregnancy.

Monday's appointment brought a slight increase in my blood pressure so the doctor was a little worried. Labs were drawn to check my kidney and liver function and I had to return Wednesday. Wednesday came and the blood work was normal, but then they found protein in my urine. Another of the risk factors of pre-eclampsia. A 24 hour urine collection was ordered and I would be back to the office on Friday. I just can't get enough of the place.

Friday, things took a crazy turn. I went to the office late in the day with my 24 hr collection. Blood pressure was the same as it had been for weeks. The swelling was the same. The big difference was an increase in the urine protein (from the office sample, not the 24 hour). This one seemingly small thing set off a chain of events that I'm still trying to wrap my head around. I was immediately sent to Labor and Delivery and essentially prepped for a C Section. I was sent to get more blood work done as well as wait for the 24 hour collection results. Oh and while I was there, I would be getting an IV and not allowed to eat. Hmmm. Sounds like I'm having the baby to me.

I had a mini meltdown that I won't talk about, but I'll just say that I was not ready to have the baby at that point.

When the doc came back, my labs were normal, urine collection had come back OK. Fetal monitoring and blood pressure had been normal. We were OK. So I thought I could breathe a sigh of relief. No C Section and I would get to go home. Instead, there was a long conversation. Essentially what it boiled down to is that while I was not diagnosed as preeclamptic, the fear of pre-E was still there. And we would have to watch it very closely and worry the entire time. Oh and if I want another C Section, it's mine for the taking. The reason this is so tough is because I'm a previous C Section patient who wants a trial of labor. My doc really wanted me to say yes, let's do it, but that's not the way I want this to go down.

My hope is to have a VBAC but I get the sense at times that she might think I'm letting that dream get in the way of what's best for baby and I and that's why I keep refusing this C Section. I was told I am not preeclampic so why is it necessary to have a section? Yes, I am aware and have been told several times that babies odds outside of the womb are great at this point. But why take any risk at all? Especially if baby and I are doing well. Just because it is medically considered full term doesn't mean to me it needs to be out. What ever happened to having babies when they are ready? We live in a nation now where nearly a third of babies are sectioned out and it seems rare to meet a mom that wasn't induced into her labor. I'm not judging these things, nor is it my business what a mother decides to do in her birth. I just want (as much as nature allows anyway) to be able to choose my birth too. Why can't I do that because it's not like the norm?

I know inductions and C Sections are necessary at times. They both happened to me on the first go round. But when I explicitly state that I do not wish to have a C Section and there is not an apparent medical reason to do so, why am I treated like I'm crazy? I don't need to be told over and over that the baby can survive outside the womb, I know that. But maybe I'd like him or her to stay in there until its ready. Can we remember a time when babies were allowed to do that?

My ranting has lead me off the story, but basically, even after being told I was OK and feeling lots of pressure to get a C Section anyway, I was told I was staying overnight for observation. I was just glad to not have the C Section so I didn't get to thinking about how ridiculous a hospital stay is for someone with nothing wrong. The longer I stayed, the more I realized, I'm just here to leave urine samples and get my blood pressure checked a few times. A total of 4. Some fetal monitoring this morning. All still good by the way.

I'm out now. Doing my best to stay calm at all times and dedicated to my beliefs. I'll fight whatever battles I need to in order to do what I think is best for my family, but dammit it would sure be nice if providers were supportive. Aren't we all on the same team?